6 Pearls of Wisdom From Everyone's Favorite Boss Babe, Diane Von Furstenberg
The Oracle of DVF, also known as Diane von Furstenberg, graced the Bay Area last week with a pop-up shop and fireside chat at San Francisco’s newest women’s co-working space, The Hivery. For a magical hour in the middle of a Monday, a room full of (mostly) women of all ages soaked in von Furstenberg’s musings about her life and the world.
Anyone who watched the Season 1 finale of the The City knows the designer’s sage advice can heal all wounds. (You remember the episode we’re talking about: DVF shares pearls of wisdom with Whitney Port, and Port, in turns, pulls her shit together and returns to a work party on the heels of a breakup and office back-stabbing... like a boss.) Just in case you need a little healing in your life, we’ve rounded up the best of DVF’s gems from her discussion with The Hivery founder Grace Kraaijvanger.
“It’s not like you wake up and say, “I’m going to be an icon.”
The world may be divided on a lot of things, but most people can agree that DVF is an icon. She has repeatedly explained that she didn’t grow up dreaming of being a princess-turned-fashion-designer and all-around Inspiring Woman™. “I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew what kind of woman I wanted to be,” she explained. “I wanted to be a woman in charge. I wanted to be able to pay for my bills, and have a man’s life in a woman’s body. And I became that woman because of the [wrap] dress.”
She’s also refreshingly candid about the nascent years of her business. “It was the early 70s in America, the beginning of women’s liberation and somehow that dress became a symbol of women’s liberation. It was a very fun time to be young and liberated because we had just discovered the pill, and AIDS hadn’t come yet.”
“I’ve never met a woman who is not strong. They do not exist.”
The designer credits her strength and resilience to her mother, an Auschwitz survivor, who became pregnant with Diane shortly after the war ended. “What defines very much my character is the fact that I was born after the war in Belgium,” she said. Von Furstenberg’s mother raised Diane to be a survivor. “[My mother] would never allow me to be afraid.” It’s a lesson she’s carried through life, telling the crowd, “There are certain words you should throw in the garbage. One is fear. There’s no need to have fear. It doesn’t change the situation. If you don’t fear, it’s a lost easier.”
“Don’t be delusional and pretend everything is going well when it isn’t.”
Von Fursternberg was calling the shots at her company long before the days of #bossbabes and #girlbosses, so she knows a thing or two about navigating the corporate world. “I became a woman in charge, and I designed for the woman in charge,” she said. But that doesn’t mean she moves through life without doubt. “At least twice a week I wake up and feel like a total loser. Only losers don’t feel like losers. There is no one I know who’s successful who doesn’t feel like a loser.”
Success is a rollercoaster, she explained. Von Furstenberg talked through the ebbs and flows of her business, adding, “I was super successful very young. It can’t go like that forever; nothing in nature is still.”
The designer said it’s important to be honest with yourself, whether that’s acknowledging setbacks or ignoring negative gossip. She discussed times when she was being lauded for her company and kept it real with herself that things weren’t perfect, and other instances where she was being dismissed as a has-been, but knew that her star was once again on the rise. Even when things are tough, she said you just dust yourself off and get back to work. Her advice? “When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.”
“The most important relationship in life is the one you have with yourself.”
Von Furstenberg notes that having a good relationship with yourself sets the stage for your other interactions, making “every other relationship is a plus, and not a must.” At its core, she says it’s about character. Character also came into play when DVF recounted the best advice she ever received: “The only thing you have total control of is your character. You can lose your health, you can lose your wealth, you can lose even your freedom, but you never lose your character, even under torture. Your character, the relationship with yourself, being true to yourself is basically the same thing.”
“Being in charge is not an aggressive thing.. Once you are a woman in charge, you use your voice, your connections, your experience to help other women be who they want to be.”
DVF said there are four planks to her platform promoting women in charge: connect, expand, inspire and advocate.
To connect, she starts each day sending at least two emails that don’t benefit her at all. “Email is so wonderful because you don’t have leave a message, you can do it very silently in your bed, and you can introduce one person. All you have to do is pay attention and explain the person to the other person, and you can absolutely make miracles.”
To “expand” your network, she recommends making a call or having a meeting at least once a week with “someone you would not normally intertwine with.” The reason? “When you pay attention and expand your universe, you learn so much.”
In the world of DVF, “inspiring” others means sharing your story and your vulnerability. “To express and share vulnerability is most inspiring thing you can do,” she said.
Finally, she said women need to advocate against violence, abuse, and inequality. “Between those three, you cover pretty much everything. Next year is 2020, it’s 100 years since American women could vote. I think women can really change the world. I think women can really improve the world.”
The Secret to Life
Of course DVF is going to wrap up the most important thing you need to know with a pretty bow. After all, this is the woman who built an empire out of a wrap dress. The 72-year-old told the crowd, “I am an old woman who has lived very intensely every day of my life. I should be 150. But I can tell you that the secret of life is owning it. Own it. Whatever it is. You own your imperfections, they become your assets. You own your vulnerability, it becomes your strength. Owning it is the most important thing you can do.”